Dearest

I was thinking yesterday to writte something... i didn't know why, i had my head on the clouds... lost in my own fucked up world, like always.
I was eating my Oreos... yes, i was eating something i am not supossed to eat because of the fucking "Fit Life".... and i dont give a fuck, and suddendly i felt the need to say a lot of things, to scream, to pour away all the twisted up things i feel about you... but i can't... you never understand it... but at least i tried.

You are someone i would really love to stab until you die and all your blood is drained into the ground, i will enjoy it, you make me happy and miserable at the same time, how is that even possible? I wan to hug you, i wan to love you and hate you, i want to scream and hit you in the face... You make me anger, make my brain explode for overthinking about you all the time, i want to leave sometimes... but i dont... because i fucking love you, and you dont fucking get it!
Always worring about things that don't even happen, following my steps everywhere... just to see if im hiding something from you, like i would...

Everytime i cook, i do the laundry, i clean the house... im trying to tell you that i love you, that i am doing this for you.
Its getting harder everytime, and slowly i'm loosing faith.

What else i have to do to make you know that you are my world?... my everything and my void.

You stupid fuck!

It is not so difficult to comprehend, your jealousy... only tears me apart, more and more everyday, it hurts to know that the person that means everything to you doesn't trust you back... and besides all the things you do, nothing seems to works.

I do... love you despite what you do to me, despite you don't rely on me, despite you make feel like everything i do means nothing at all... i do love you, and i won't stop figthing until you trust me.