This Post is For You

I shouldn't be feeling like this, not at this moment, not now, i'm fucking nervous.
It's idiotic, i cannot help but smile, and i like it that way.

It was just a test, at the very beginning i was confident about my conclusions for people like you, and at the end i kept a silent mouth, what can i say? i was surprised, astonished that you were not afraid for even talking to a catalogued "freaky" like me. That was so confusing for me... And of course... not a lot of people have been this far in a conversation with me.
 I panicked, What the hell do i do now? Keep going maybe? Give it a shot?

When i got home that night, i laid down in my bed, closed my eyes and said "Holy shit, i'm an asshole" for believing i could actually make a friend.

This is just not ordinary. I guess anything in my life is.

Time pass by, and i figure it out how to feel more confortable around you, break through a lot of paradigms i had about myself, that i didn't know i was capable of and I have to thank you for it. I decided to go beyond the boundary, you agreed with it, you told me a lot about you, and i liked that, i was feeling so pleased about how this was going that i totally forgot something.

I did not want to scare you, so i had a lot of doubts about my socials skills, i could't resit to ask a thousand times if you were okey with it. This was not like games, where i can be anything i want, get i what i want, fight whatever the fuck i want... this is real life, where i have no strength, no armor, no magic, no fighting skills,where... i am nobody, and you was there, giving me some entertaining laughs, you were giving me a little of your time, was enough for me to feel cared.

i waited for you in the playground as usual, but you did not come, why it was taking you so long? 

Then  remembered it

 "God dammit!" You told me you were being transferred soon...
 "Fuck" 
I was so infatuated in my bubble, that it suddenly exploded.
Well, im happy for it, unless you were an asshole sometimes, i really do, but now... with who am i gonna be awkward with?

I looked back to my habitual place, and then i smiled... i don't know why i feel like this, "i shouldn't be feeling like this" i seated in my green bench, opened my lunch and tried to concentrate in what can i do for you for make it up for your spent time with me. The school bell rings snapping me back to real life.

Maybe i will make you a present, yes! a Death Note, so you can write the names of those you don't like so they die. I know you don't know what the fuck a Death Note is, i haven't told about that anime yet, but you will understand soon.

That's a good idea, maybe i will do it, so you can remember you tied up a friendship with a twisted mind.

"Sorry for being a shitty friend, but i'm so fucking grateful to have had you in my life"